Guest Blog: The Nesting Experiment (podcast and blog by @everyotherweekend)
Kathleen Brigham and Chris Dugan are experienced Co-parents of seven well-adjusted children, and co-authors of “The Nesting Experiment: 2 Divorces, 7 Kids and 6 Years of Uncomfortable Cohabitation.” Kathleen is also the Principal of Brigham Advisors, focused on helping parents navigate separation, divorce, co-parenting, and its impact on children’s education.
In this week’s episode, Kathleen and Chris discuss their book which describes “Nesting,” a unique co-parenting arrangement where the children reside in one stable home while their divorced parents take turns living in the family residence. This arrangement allows for consistency in the children's living environment, minimizing disruption during and after divorce.
Kathleen and Chris both worked out Nesting arrangements with their respective Exes, managed to get their kids through middle and high school without relocating, and learned how to manage the delicate relationship with an Ex along the way.
And along the way, people constantly asked them how? Is this something I could do? And mostly, WHY??
To answer the Why here is an excerpt from our book:
Imagine you are a 12-year-old whose parents have recently become separated or divorced. Your life is upended. Your dad‘s car isn’t in the driveway. His jackets are gone from the closet. He isn’t there to visit before bedtime or to make toast in the morning. The very absence of his voice and smell leaves a tangible vacuum in your home. To make things worse, his new apartment is 20 miles away. It smells funny. The bed at his place isn’t your bed and the TV is smaller. So now the home where you grew up doesn’t feel like home and to see your dad you were obligated to go to another place, which feels even less like a home. Given everything separation has thrown at your kids, wouldn’t it be great to eliminate that additional source of insecurity and tension? Assuming both parents are good parents, love their kids, and are loved in return it seems that it can’t be a bad thing that your child at least gets to sleep in the same bed, eat in the same kitchen, and use the same bathroom as she or he always has. It’s a little bit of stability in a newly shaky world.
Kathleen founded Brigham Advising after her own divorce.
Divorce is undoubtedly one of life's most challenging experiences, especially when children are involved. The emotional rollercoaster, the logistical hurdles, and the uncertainty of the future can make it an overwhelming journey. I've been there; I know the struggles all too well. In my advising, I explore the everyday challenges of divorce, how to talk to your children about it, financial considerations, the mediation vs. lawyer dilemma, and everything in between. I want to be the resource I wish I had during my divorce—a place where you can unload and feel supported.
Areas that I cover with a spouse going through divorce or separation:
The Everyday Challenges of Divorce
Divorce is more than just signing legal documents; it's a complete life upheaval. From adjusting to a new living situation to managing co-parenting schedules, daily life becomes a puzzle. I share some of my own experiences and offer strategies on how to maintain stability for children during these trying times.
Talking to Your Children about Divorce
One of the most heart-wrenching aspects of divorce is explaining it to children. I discuss age-appropriate ways to broach the topic, address their concerns, and ensure they feel loved and supported throughout the process.
The Financial Maze of Divorce
Divorce often involves complex financial negotiations. I share insights into how to navigate this maze and when to hire financial professionals.
Mediation vs. Hiring a Divorce Lawyer
Deciding whether to mediate or hire a divorce lawyer can be a daunting decision. In advising, I break down the pros and cons of both options, helping clients choose the path that best aligns with their unique situation.
Are You Candidates for Nesting?
A Mini-Test
Neither spouse is a risk to his/her ex or the kids.
Both spouses are reliable adults.
You’ve both managed your anger enough to be able to collaborate on a parenting plan.
You trust your ex enough to let him or her sleep in your home.
Your new significant other is comfortable with the idea of nesting.
You are more concerned with how your children feel about having Mom or Dad nest than how your family members or nosy neighbors may feel about it.
You’ve been careful in setting expectations for your kids.
Whatever you decide:
Kathleen's Brigham Advising provides flexible support for parents facing divorce.
- Contact Kathleen Brigham through her website or email her at kathleen@brighamadvising.com
- To delve deeper into the topic and gain a comprehensive understanding of nesting, consider picking up a copy of "The Nesting Experiment."
- Your children's well-being remains at the forefront of this journey, and with the right resources and mindset, you can create a stable and harmonious co-parenting arrangement that benefits everyone involved.
This blog was written and shared by @everyotherweekend
Thank you to both Allison and Jennifer for the wonderful experience!
